I’m not an academic. I failed college twice—once spectacularly.
That doesn’t mean I stopped learning. Quite the opposite. No university I encountered could feed my curiosity fast enough. My mind has always behaved less like a curriculum than a burglary: find the locked door, figure out what’s behind it, get inside.
For thirty years I’ve devoured books on physics until I reached the peculiar point where I sometimes buy a new one and read the ending first. I want to know where the author thinks the boundary is. What do we know? What do we merely suspect? And where does the mathematics finally surrender to a question mark?
That frontier fascinates me.
Quantum mechanics. Fine-tuning. The Goldilocks problem. String theory. M-theory. Cosmology. Consciousness. Theology. The origin of mathematics itself. These are places where enormous human achievements eventually run into enormous human ignorance.
And damn, that ignorance is dazzling.
The deeper I go, the less interested I become in answers that arrive neatly packaged. I’m interested in the seams—the places where one discipline stops and another begins. Physics becomes philosophy. Cosmology wanders into metaphysics. Mathematics describes reality with terrifying precision until somebody asks why mathematics works at all.
The Big Bang is especially irresistible. Push our models backward far enough and eventually our descriptions become incomplete. That does not prove God, disprove God, rescue atheism or destroy it. It does something much more interesting:
It leaves us with a question.
And questions are where I live.
I use the internet the way I dreamed of using it before it existed.
As a kid, I grew up without television. So I read encyclopedias and dictionaries—cover to cover, repeatedly. I had no search box. If I wanted to know something, I had to stumble across it, remember where I’d seen it, follow references and hope another book was somewhere within reach.
Then humanity built the machine I had wanted all along.
Not social media.
Not Amazon.
Not streaming television.
A nearly bottomless library with a search bar.
I discovered Academia.edu after my ordinary books began running out of road. Suddenly I could move beyond popular explanations and start following their footnotes. Papers led to papers. Bibliographies became maps. Ancient texts sat beside contemporary arguments. I had found academia’s back door.
So naturally, I climbed through it.
I started writing papers of my own—strange ones, sometimes provocative ones, certainly not conventional academic work. I left my signature-style graffiti on subjects where I technically had no business being.
Some people loved it.
Some definitely did not.
I’ve been blocked. I’ve irritated people. Someone once tried to have me removed from a platform altogether. Fair enough. I have never fit particularly well into somebody else’s intellectual architecture.
But something else happened.
People started reading.
My work eventually began appearing among the most-read material in my little corner of Academia.edu. For someone without an academic career, institutional affiliation or letters trailing behind his name, that was bewildering.
It also confirmed something I had begun to suspect.
The gate around knowledge has developed holes.
A curious person with an internet connection can now accomplish in an afternoon what once required correspondence, travel, privileged access to libraries and weeks of waiting for documents to arrive.
That does not make everyone a scholar.
It does not make expertise obsolete.
And access to information is emphatically not the same thing as understanding it.
But it changes who gets to ask serious questions.
That matters.
When a question grabs me—What do programmers actually think about the future of hacking? What happens to physics at the Planck scale? How did the Vatican preserve particular documents? What exactly does CERN know that the popular accounts leave out?—I chase it.
One question becomes twenty browser tabs.
Twenty become fifty.
I disappear through CERN, NASA, archives, journals, universities, government databases and forgotten corners of the web. I compare language. I chase citations. I discover that the thing I thought I understood three hours earlier was wrong.
That last part is important.
Research isn’t collecting evidence for what you already believe.
Research is allowing evidence to ruin a perfectly good idea.
Then I emerge from the wreckage and write 500 words about something I have no credentials to write about.
I write constantly. Sometimes fifteen or twenty hours in a day. Insomnia helps, although I cannot recommend it as a productivity system. When my brain overheats, I race imaginary cars around imaginary tracks at irresponsible speeds, then go back to wondering why there is something rather than nothing.
It’s not a method I expect universities to adopt.
Recently I did something strangely archaeological.
I looked through my search history.
I had never really examined it before, and I had never systematically deleted it. There it was: years of intellectual debris.
Physics beside theology. Mathematics beside history. Consciousness beside automobiles. Ancient manuscripts beside artificial intelligence. Questions answered. Questions abandoned. Questions spawning other questions that sent me somewhere completely unexpected.
And suddenly I realized I was looking at something more than browser history.
I was looking at an autobiography.
Not where I had travelled.
Where my mind had travelled.
Every search was a tiny act of trespassing across the boundary of what I knew five minutes earlier.
That, to me, is what the internet was supposed to become.
We built the largest apparatus for accessing human knowledge in history—and then somehow decided to use much of it to shop, argue with strangers and watch fifteen-second videos.
But the library is still there.
The doors are open.
And somewhere tonight, someone with no credentials, no institutional affiliation and absolutely no permission is following a footnote into a subject they were never supposed to understand.
Good.
Strike the match.
This is what digital arson looks like…
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BCIT, Video Production and Editing, Undergraduate
48.43° N, 123.45° W
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