Steve Rotermund

I had the amazing opportunity to spend an hour interviewing Steve Rotermund, who opened himself up and freely shared both the difficulties and the transcendence he has experienced in life.

We raised a lot of issues; here are four core observations that capture the heart of it.

1. Trauma, Addiction, and Codependency Are the Same Wound Wearing Different Faces

Steve’s story begins with trauma he never chose:

A mother who left when he was four
An alcoholic father who told him he’d never amount to anything
Sexual abuse at six, buried for decades

Later, his wife’s hidden addiction to prescription meds exploded into the open. He moved states, walked away from ministry, tried to “fix” her, and went through two years of hell.

Then a counselor said, 15 minutes into their first session:

“You’re part of the problem. You have codependency.

You’re destroying your family just as much as she is.

You don’t use drugs; you use emotions.”

That diagnosis reframed everything. The addict and the codependent were both trying to medicate the same core lie: “I am not enough.” One used pills; the other used control, heroism, and religious performance.

2. Performative Religion vs. Living From Love

For years, Steve lived what looked like a successful Christian life:

Children’s pastor over 150 kids
Awana director, Celebrate Recovery leader
Church planter, radio ministry host

Inside, he was:

Hiding his wife’s addiction
Seething with anger and shame
Treating God like a boss who “tolerated” him, with Jesus sneaking him in “smelling like poo”

He read Scripture to craft sermons, not to know God. Ministry was one more way to feel important and needed.

As his identity shifted, something simple but profound changed:

“I didn’t wake up for you to love me today.

I woke up to be loved.”

He stopped taking every mood or reaction in the house as a verdict on his worth. He stopped needing ministry to validate him. He began, as he put it, “acting like Jesus instead of just talking about Him”:

Loving a McDonald’s employee consistently until they asked why he was different
Responding to kids’ mistakes with calm instead of rage
Letting evangelism be an answer to questions, not a forced script

The difference between performative faith and real transformation is exactly that: we move from living for love to living from love.

3. From Tolerated Sinner to Beloved Son: Identity and Union in Christ

Steve’s view of God mirrored his view of his earthly father: distant, disappointed, grudgingly tolerant. Jesus, in this framework, was mainly there to get him past a reluctant gatekeeper.

His counselor put a finger on the real issue:

“You need to move from adopted sonship into full sonship.

You don’t actually know your identity in Christ.”

The verse that finally shattered the old frame for him was John 14:20:

“In that day you will know that I am in My Father,

and you in Me, and I in you.”

He realized:

Redemption was not just a “ticket”; it was restoration to what humans were created to be before the fall.
Christ wasn’t simply his lawyer; Christ was his life.
God was not tolerating him from afar; God was indwelling him.

He began to read the Bible not as a sourcebook for sermons, but as a way of knowing the One who already loved him.

When that identity shifted, everything else could begin to change. Shame, anger, and the need to be the hero started to lose their grip. The same man who once preached about Jesus while being a “complete jerk” at home began to embody a different spirit with his family and with strangers.

4. Suffering, Forgiveness, and God’s “Imperfect” Plan

Steve is honest about the parts of his life that were not his choice:

The abandonment, the abuse, the alcoholism around him
His first wife’s addiction and eventual overdose

He rejects the shallow way we sometimes talk about “God’s wonderful plan,” as if it guarantees a tidy life script that, when violated, proves God has failed us.

Instead, he’s come to see:

Our own sinful choices bring consequences—that’s on us.
The evils done to us are not God’s will, but they are precisely the places He joins us.
God’s “plan” is less about circumstances and more about His refusal to abandon us in the worst of them.

For years, Steve forgave everyone else—his dad, his ex‑wife, his abuser. The turning point for re‑entering ministry was when he realized:

“You’ve never forgiven yourself,”

for not fixing your wife, for being a harsh father, for all the ways you fell short.

That act of self‑forgiveness in God’s presence didn’t rewrite the past, but it released him to serve from a different place.

When he says “God’s imperfect plan is perfect,” he doesn’t mean the trauma was good. He means that God was there in all of it, and that God can weave even the ugliest threads into a story that brings healing to others.

The Deeper Thread: Our Shared Identity

In our culture, “identity” usually means something highly individualized and often divisive: personal labels, preferences, tribes.

Steve’s journey points to something deeper we have in common:

We are all, first and foremost, created in the image of God.
Whatever our wounds or sins, we are all God’s children.
And in Christ, we are invited into a shared life—union with Him that cuts deeper than any other category.

When we forget that, we build ministries, marriages, and movements on fear and performance. When we remember it, even our worst pain can become a place where God’s love is revealed—not just to us, but through us.

Steve’s story is one man’s journey into that reality. The details are his. The invitation is for all of us.

Sneak Peek: Next Week on Created in the Image of God

Next week, we’ll shift from recovery and identity to how we tell our own stories—and how those stories can either trap us or set us free.

My guest will be Lela Tuhtan—a coach, consultant, and writer who helps people rewrite their life stories and step into authenticity. Drawing from her own journey through childhood trauma, a love of literature, and a transition from classroom teaching to coaching, she brings both deep empathy and practical tools for change.

With a master’s from Columbia and advanced training in Co‑Active Coaching and eco‑psychology, Lela works especially with high‑impact people who feel:

Stuck in old scripts
Limited by harsh inner dialogue
Or misaligned with their true purpose

We’ll talk about how our stories get written, how to reframe limiting beliefs, and what it looks like to transform adversity into resilience and share your God‑given brilliance with the world.

Join me next week at 8:00 p.m. Central on Created in the Image of God with Lela Tuhtan.