Most people don’t white‑knuckle their way into addiction because they lack willpower. They drift there because something—some thought, emotion, or behavior—quietly takes over their inner world, one small compromise at a time, until it begins to interfere with the life they were created to live.
That was the starting point for my recent conversation on Created in the Image of God with Rose Ann Forte, an international best‑selling author and creator of the Choose Freedom program. Her work sits at the intersection of biblical wisdom and neuroscience, offering a faith‑based, brain‑informed pathway out of what she calls “life‑interfering behaviors.”
As we talked, another layer came into focus for me—especially in her story as a high‑achieving woman in a performance‑driven culture: a quiet, relentless pressure to “be it all” and “have it all.” The result is often not liberation, but two competing north stars that tear a life in half.
I’ll come back to that. First, some of Rose Ann’s journey.
A Life Built Around the Wrong North Star
Rose Ann grew up as the oldest child of hardworking parents—“street smart,” as she put it—but not especially educated. Her father had a GED; her mother finished high school. They were good people who taught her the value of work.
But their focus, as she now sees in hindsight, was almost entirely on what she did, not on who she was.
Good grades meant praise and rewards. Achievements meant approval. She learned early that her value came from performance, not personhood.
At 13, she started smoking and drinking. It was what the world called “cool”—the Marlboro man, the Virginia Slims woman. The cultural north star was clear:
- Be attractive.
- Be successful.
- Be fun.
- Be in control.
No one told her, “Your worth isn’t in any of that.” She had to learn that the hard way.
Later, she married a man she met in a bar. They both worked in the corporate world. The marriage was toxic. During her second pregnancy, they separated. In that crisis, she found her way into church and encountered Jesus through the influence of her Christian in‑laws.
She became a leader, a teacher, a ministry worker.
And yet.
She describes what happened next as living with two north stars:
- One was Jesus—Sunday worship, Bible study, leadership in the church.
- The other was “making my non‑believing spouse happy” and essentially running her inner life by the world’s metrics: keep up, fit in, perform, drink to cope.
“I completely lost my identity,” she told me.
“I understood intellectually who I was in Jesus, but I wasn’t living it and I didn’t feel it. I tried to serve both. And you can’t serve two masters.”
Over 29 years, her drinking escalated. On the outside, she was the competent Christian professional. On the inside, she was anesthetizing anxiety, shame, and disconnection.
Two North Stars in a Feminist Age
Listening to her, I realized how much this “two north stars” problem has been amplified, especially for women, by the messages of the last several decades.
On the one hand, you have the traditional picture—caricatured at times, but rooted in something real—of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:
- She manages a household with wisdom.
- She cares for her children, serves her husband, and blesses her community.
- She’s not passive or weak—she “considers a field and buys it,” engages in trade, and works with strength.
- Her dignity and joy are deeply tied to her roles as wife, mother, and steward.
On the other hand, you have a relentless drumbeat in the culture telling women that this traditional picture is at best naïve, at worst a patriarchal trap:
- “Don’t just be a wife and mother; that’s settling.”
- “You can (and must) have it all—career, kids, perfect body, social life, spiritual life.”
- “Any satisfaction you feel in ‘traditional roles’ might just be internalized oppression.”
The underlying message is that Proverbs 31 is not a description of a strong woman living freely before God, but a construct imposed on women against their best interests.
It’s hard not to hear an echo of the serpent in the Garden:
“Did God really say…?”
“He knows that when you eat of it, you will be like God…”
“He’s holding out on you.”
Eve already bore God’s image. God had already pronounced creation “very good.” But doubt was sown: Is what God has given really enough? Is His design truly for my good?
In a similar way, many women today—especially in church—are told two stories at once:
- One says, “You are precious in your ordinary, embodied life: loving your family, serving your church, working with your hands, honoring God in the quiet places.”
- The other says, “You’re not enough unless you do more, be more, prove more; and that whole ‘virtuous woman’ thing might just be a religious leash.”
It’s not hard to see how this creates a profound split in identity:
- Live into the virtues and joys of traditional roles, and you risk feeling “less than” by the world’s standards.
- Chase the world’s script, and you risk neglecting or despising the very places where God’s design often bears the most fruit: home, church, local community.
Rose Ann’s story sits right at that crossroads:
- A high‑performing corporate woman and church leader,
- Trying to be what her spouse (and the world) said she should be,
- And what Jesus said she already was—beloved daughter, called to freedom.
Two competing north stars. Not surprisingly, a double‑minded life.
James says a double‑minded person is “unstable in all his ways.” Jesus says plainly: “No one can serve two masters.”
Something has to give.
In Rose Ann’s case, it gave way in the form of anxiety, secret drinking, and decades of self‑medication.
Neuroscience, Scripture, and a Different Kind of “Quit”
When COVID hit, she realized something simple and terrifying: if she kept drinking like this—with compromised lungs from decades of heavy smoking—COVID might be fatal.
She wanted to quit, but the main Christian‑branded option she knew—traditional 12‑step culture—didn’t sit right with her for reasons already noted:
- The lifetime label (“alcoholic”) as identity.
- The character‑defect language, as if those in the room were uniquely flawed, when Scripture says all humans are deeply flawed and deeply loved.
She found a different program, more neuroscience‑informed, less identity‑focused. What grabbed her was how they framed it:
“Let’s set alcohol aside for 90 days and see what happens when you stop using attractively packaged poison.”
They made it about the substance, not about her alleged uniquely broken self.
That reframing—separating person from behavior—was huge.
She completed 90 days. The changes were dramatic:
- Weight loss
- Lower blood pressure and resting heart rate
- New exercise habits
- Clearer thinking
- Rising confidence
She later joined the staff as an enrollment coach, talking with people entering the process.
At that point, she began studying the science behind it. She discovered what was really going on: changing neural pathways through intentional thought and practice.
Then the light went on:
“Wait, this is exactly what the Bible talks about when it says ‘renew your mind.’ They’re teaching God’s word—without God.”
Romans 12:2 became a neuroscience verse: “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
At the same time, many of the people she talked with were Christians, arriving in deep shame:
“My faith is strong, but I can’t stop. I must be a failure. God must be disappointed in me.”
She began collecting Scriptures and prayers, sending them in photos to Christian clients. The response:
“This is beautiful. Keep doing it.”
That’s how her first devotional was born.
Choose Freedom: When Scripture and Neuroscience Pull Together
Eventually, Rose Ann left the secular program to build what she sensed God was asking for:
- The Plans He Has for Me – an 84‑day devotional that integrates Scripture, identity work, and brain science to help people step away from substances.
- A private online community where participants support each other and she interacts daily.
- A broader framework: Choose Freedom, designed so coaches, counselors, and faith communities can walk people through the material.
Later, with Dr. Karl Benzio (medical director of the American Association of Christian Counselors), she developed a second devotional:
- Transformed by His Promises – structurally similar, aimed not only at alcohol but at any “life‑interfering behavior”: compulsive gaming, social media, porn, overspending, overworking, binge‑watching—anything we use to self‑medicate pain and anxiety.
This time, she wasn’t just a woman with a testimony. Her work carried endorsements from:
- Jim Daly (Focus on the Family)
- Dr. Daniel Amen (psychiatrist)
- The president of the AACC
- John Townsend and many others.
For someone who started from “GED parents, hard partying, and secret drinking,” this was a quiet miracle.
“That means God can use anyone. And at any age,” she said.
“I quit drinking at 60.”
Guilt, Shame, Dopamine, and the Fruit of Self‑Control
A crucial part of Rose Ann’s approach is unhooking shame and understanding what’s actually happening in the brain.
In simple terms:
- Behaviors like drinking, gaming, scrolling, and binge‑watching flood the brain with dopamine.
- Initially, they calm anxiety and work as “solutions.”
- Over time, the brain adapts by making less dopamine naturally.
- Eventually, you need the behavior just to feel normal. That’s addiction: your baseline is altered.
Spiritually, that’s when shame whispers:
- “If you were a real Christian, you wouldn’t need this.”
- “Everyone else is managing; you must be uniquely broken.”
But the gospel insists:
- Guilt – “I did something wrong.”
- Shame – “There is something wrong with me.”
Rose Ann’s work is about addressing the first honestly while refusing the second.
And she’s clear: quitting is only the start.
Recently she had another realization:
“I finally saw what I’m really doing: I’m building the fruit of the Spirit called self‑control.”
To keep growing, she:
- Read through the entire Bible with her church over 18 months, noticing godly wisdom for daily decision‑making that she had ignored for years.
- Began writing new devotionals specifically on wisdom and choices, including plans for the YouVersion Bible app (one specifically for men, co‑written with a friend).
- Launched a podcast, Say Goodbye and Imagine, to walk through how each entry was born and how it shapes real decisions.
In other words, she’s helping people not just stop destructive behaviors, but rebuild their inner compass—away from two clashing north stars and toward a single, steady One.
A Question and an Invitation
If you’re honest:
- Where are you running on two north stars—trying to serve Jesus and some other master (approval, success, image, a substance, a behavior)?
- Where have you quietly adopted the serpent’s doubt: “God’s design for me isn’t enough; I need more, elsewhere, otherwise”?
- What behaviors have moved from coping mechanisms to life‑interfering patterns?
What would it look like to:
- Name the behavior without naming yourself as defective.
- Bring your brain and your Bible together—letting God renew your mind in ways that reshape your neural pathways over time.
- Choose one small step—a devotional, a group, a counselor, a coach—to begin moving back toward a single north star.
If you’d like to explore Rose Ann’s work more, you can visit:
https://choosefreedom.today
Next Week on Created in the Image of God
Next Sunday’s episode features Megan Rosselot, a behavioral therapist and founder of the Behavior Project and Behavior Collective.
We’ll talk about:
- Growing up as the oldest of five, then suddenly struggling in high school while younger sisters excelled.
- Undiagnosed learning differences, labels like “lazy,” and the resulting depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.
- How she learned to recognize and resist the enemy’s voice, discover her true purpose, and now help others do the same.
If you’ve ever felt “behind,” “stupid,” or like you’ve missed your moment, Megan’s story will speak to you.
I hope you’ll join us.
