Bonus: Desire, Rule, and the Forgotten Art of Self-Denial

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A couple of months ago, I wrote about the mystery of being human—animated dust, Nephesh, living souls summoned to bear good fruit. Today, I want to return to the very first page of desire: the moment in Eden when Eve gazed on what had been forbidden. Here, at the deepest root, before any word about “rule” or “hardship,” Genesis gives us this:

“When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise…” (Genesis 3:6)

This desire was not mere appetite; it was a “value proposition” to her ego. It promised wisdom, power, and identity apart from God’s will—a seduction that forever redefined the meaning of want. From that moment onward, desire and suffering became interwoven, not just for Eve, but for all who walk her path.

Anyone who has followed The Hardness of the Heart may recall my close reading of Genesis’s crucial words to Eve and Cain. In the Hebrew, “desire” (teshuwqah) points not just to longing, but to a gravitational “turning toward” that can lift us—or unravel us. God tells Eve, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” The drama here isn’t about hierarchy, but about what happens when desire shifts away from its proper axis. Outwardly directed, ultimately it places us in bondage—to others, to impulse, and to the whims of the ego.

It escalates quickly: to Cain, God gives a double-edged truth—“Sin lies at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” (Genesis 4:7) Desire is not evil per se; what matters is whether we rule it, or it rules us. The entire subsequent history of humanity—biblical, personal, cultural—flows from that perpetual tension.

Many religious traditions have arrived at the same crossroads. Buddhism singles out “desire” (tanhā) as the root of all suffering (dukkha); Hinduism, likewise, warns of the bondage of longing. The ancients understood: unchecked appetites propagate dissatisfaction, and the only exit is mastery—learning to say “no” to self.

But what of our own age? In my recent Substack essay on accustoming children to hardship, I reflected on our near-total reversal of this ancient wisdom. Our culture’s catechism is consumption, never constraint. We equip the next generation not for maturity, but to pursue every want, with mechanisms in place to guarantee no real discomfort is ever endured. Hardship—when it arrives—is seen as a mistake to be fixed, not a crucible in which character is forged.

In that post, and in conversations with youth advocates like Claudette Milner, I asked: Does anyone teach our children the habit of self-denial anymore? Are we, as parents, mentors, and community builders, providing the tools to rule desire—rather than indulging in the fantasy that more comfort, affirmation, and emotional bubble wrap will yield strength?

Both clinical research and sacred scripture converge on the same answer: it is adversity—physical, emotional, even spiritual—that catalyzes resilience and growth. Without it, desire metastasizes. We risk producing a generation both more fragile and more entitled—not because life is harder, but because it has never been so easy to have one’s every craving justified.

God tells Eve, and then Cain, and by extension us: you will live at the point of tension between longing and rule. Desire can’t be eliminated—it is built into consciousness itself. But it must be governed—anchored to a greater good, one not centered on the ego’s “value proposition” (wisdom on your own terms, power apart from purpose), but rooted in humility and submission to something higher.

So I ask again, echoing the ongoing themes of my trilogy and recent writing:
Does anyone teach our children to say no to themselves? When was the last time we made room for the formative, redemptive work of “ruling over desire”?
And what kind of fruit will we harvest if that art is lost?

For those wanting to go deeper, I’m now publishing the draft chapters of my next book and additional premium content for subscribers. If a paid upgrade isn’t practical, share this newsletter with friends—each successful referral unlocks bonus months at no cost.

Let’s reclaim the work our souls were made for—bearing fruit not by feeding every desire, but by learning (and teaching) the gentle, powerful freedom of self-mastery.

—Wade Fransson

References:

Genesis 3:6, 3:16, 4:7 (The Hardness of the Heart, relevant analysis)
Desire as the source of suffering: see The Four Noble Truths (Buddhism); Hindu Upanishads
Accustom Our Children to Hardship, Substack (2025)

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