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How to Talk to Your Dog About the Fall of Constantinople

The laws of Islam required mercy to conquered peoples, and the Ottomans ruled their subjects with a light hand that frequently seemed preferable to European feudalism.

23 days ago

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The clever first series of the new Index, "How to Talk to Your Dog..." is about the Fall of Constantinople. Now, this may require a middle-sized to a large-sized dog to get the mind/body large enough to take on the whole meaning, to get the gist of the book, or you'll find yourself educated but your dog withdrawn and overwhelmed. ***WARNING: MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR DOGS THAT LIVE IN PURSES***

Their first stories about "B.L.M. for Your Dog,", "I'm Okay, You are Not Okay", and "Your Dog and the Pro-Life Movement" led to revolts across bookstores from Edinburgh to Miami. Authors Patricia Blussing and Judith Scrotsill have reintroduced the series with educational topics and we've been sent an early copy so we could review it. We could not have been more surprised! Dogs worldwide have voiced their approval of the near series. J.K. Rowling had nothing to say at all.

Never one to shy away from their detractors, the authors double down on their words, invest their lottery win, and release this series which includes "Other People's Butts," "When A Scent Drives you Wild (and you Don't Know What to Do)" and "When Your Dog Leans Too Far To The Left or Right Politically," and, "When My Tail Wagged Me: A Memoir." They released the hardcover photobook, "Leg Fetish," which had an abundance of thighs and calves in denim, bikini, and wedding dresses.

Now Constantinople has long been a divider between ancient history and the recent past. Constantinople was the capital of the Roman/Byzantine Empire, the Latin Empire, and the Ottoman Empire. The money then moved to Ankara following the Turkish War of Independence. Officially renamed Istanbul in 1930, the city is today the largest city and financial center of the Republic of Turkey.

“The laws of Islam required mercy to conquered peoples, and the Ottomans ruled their subjects with a light hand that frequently seemed preferable to European feudalism.”― Roger Crowley.

Constantine himself, Constantine XI Dragases Palaiologos or Dragaš Palaeologus, was the last Byzantine emperor, reigning from 1449 until his death in battle at the Fall of Constantinople in 1453. Even though the Byzantine Empire regained control of Constantinople by 1261, it never reached its former glory, and in 1453, after a 53-day siege, the Turks conquered the city. It was then that Constantinople became Istanbul, the capital of the Ottoman Empire.

"A Forest of Sticks" was submitted by Dante, a single white poodle in St. Louis who like really long walks and romantic comedies. - copyright Brent Antonson

If you've made it to page 12, it may be time for a water break, maybe a few minutes farting around the front yard because when we get back into it, we're here until the end.

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The Fall of Constantinople was May 29, 1453, the conquest of Constantinople by Sultan Mehmed II of the Ottoman Empire. The dwindling Byzantine Empire came to an end when the Ottomans breached Constantinople's ancient land wall after besieging the city for 55 days. Talk about "who let the dogs out," it seems someone was pounding their way through for some time. By the early 15th century, the Byzantine Empire was reduced to just Constantinople and its environs, along with Morea in Greece, making it an enclave inside the Ottoman Empire.

Largely, the fall came about because The beginning of the fall of Constantinople, the capital of the Byzantine Empire, was sparked by the first crusades in 1095. The Crusaders would need to go through the Byzantine Empire in order to capture the holy city of Jerusalem from the Muslims and Jews. And who won, who took the booty for the sacking of Constantinople? Turkey commemorates 566th anniversary of the conquest of Istanbul by gallant Sultan Mehmet II. On this day 566 years ago Istanbul was conquered by an Ottoman king.

Constantinople was the first European city to experience the Black Death:”
Roger Crowley

This was a big deal as many dogs were trying to see what was going on and how that impacted their lives, socially, fiscally, and in terms of mental health and well-being. People are bipedal top-heavy, and dogs are quadra-symmetrical. For reference, dogs weren't treated nearly as well as they are today. There was no accountability.

Dogs were thought of as something to buy and sell or run over with your Chevette. Dogs were given table scraps, of course, no dog really wanted to hunt down their own kill after they'd had a taste of secular suburbia and Taco Time's three tacos for a dollar Tuesdays. There was segregation from cats. Good riddance, we tried living together, but it didn't work. There was no Union to speak of, they can't stop chasing bumpers. So secret meeting places have been hard to find. And a poll over whether to unionize lost to cleaning one's genitals in a priority hierarchy.

Now reading this or the audiobook can be a lot to dump on an unsuspecting pup, if you have paintings of the gruesome days that precipitated the Fall of Constantinople, the reading level may be somewhat specialized for an appropriate dog, a year may make all the difference.

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Brent Antonson

Published 23 days ago