The Great Policy of Centrist Absurdity


In a land far, far away, where the political pendulum swung wildly from left to right, the citizens found themselves embroiled in a never-ending battle of ideologies. As a result, they passed the Great Policy of Centrist Absurdity, acknowledging the absurdity of both extremes and striving to find the middle ground where no one can be absolutely right. Let it be known that this policy is rooted in satire, aiming to highlight the importance of moderation and the dangers of taking things too far.

Department of Outlandish Government Overreach

We shall create the Department of Outlandish Government Overreach (DOGO) to highlight the perception of Leftist government overreach. The DOGO shall be tasked with brainstorming and proposing bizarre regulations and laws, such as mandating pineapple on all pizzas (even if it's considered a crime against culinary humanity) or requiring citizens to obtain a license to wear mismatched socks.

Ministry of Right-Wing Authoritarian Fantasies

In recognition of the right's authoritarian tendencies or Ayn Randian utopian views of freedom, we shall establish the Ministry of Right-Wing Authoritarian Fantasies (MORAF). The MORAF will be responsible for developing grandiose and extravagant plans that cater to the right's desire for absolute control, like building a wall around the entire nation—topped with a moat filled with the bodies of bureaucrats.

The Bureaucracy Circus

To ensure that no political side claims supremacy, we shall organize a Bureaucracy Circus. Once a year, politicians from all parties shall gather to compete in hilarious challenges that showcase their capacity for bureaucracy. The winner shall be declared the "Master of Middle Ground Absurdity" and receive an oversized trophy featuring a balance scale.

National Center of Compromise

A National Center of Compromise (NCC) shall be established, hosting representatives from all political factions forced to wear clown wigs during negotiations. The NCC will be tasked with finding common ground on important issues, even if it means embracing the silliest of compromises, like passing a law to designate the official national dance as the "Moderate Mamba."

Mandatory Humor Training for Politicians

All elected officials must undergo mandatory humour training to prevent politicians from taking themselves too seriously. The curriculum will include learning and performing stand-up comedy routines to keep their wit sharp and egos in check. Failure to produce at least three decent monthly jokes will result in public interpretive dance performances.


With this Great Policy of Centrist Absurdity in place, the nation shall strive for balance, embracing the hilarity of the left's government overreach and the right's authoritarian fantasies. Remember, when the pendulum swings wildly, finding the center is the only way to ensure that no one takes themselves too seriously and laughter shall prevail over division. May this policy be a beacon of light in the political quagmire, guiding us toward a united and amusing future?