A Critic's Meta-Review: 4/5
I have a lot of respect for John Fitzgerald Kennedy. I can’t really say that about the other Kennedys, except for maybe Bobby (although his son is a complete dunce who thinks that vaccines cause autism, which is only one of many patently incorrect beliefs that he holds; also, he might have been the one that held the pillow over Marilyn Monroe’s head that night she “overdosed”, but that could just be hearsay so I probably shouldn’t have even mentioned it...oh well, too late - I just did). Ted Kennedy, as we all know, killed a woman (accidentally...but still, he tried to run away right when it happened) so he is pretty much exempt from my respect. Pat Kennedy (not sure whose kid he is) is a fear-mongering paid shill for the pharmaceutical industry who laments the fact that more and more states are waking up to the harsh realities of the failed War on Drugs and are legalizing what he claims to be “highly addictive” substances like marijuana (the devil’s lettuce).
I like JFK, though. I deeply appreciate his commitment to the principles of a free society, embodied by his courageous refusal to engage in the undertaking of the Central Intelligence Agency’s ridiculous Red Scare shenanigans, such as Operation Northwoods. If you are not familiar with Operation Northwoods, it was essentially a plot suggested by the CIA in which the United States was to stage a false flag attack of some sort on its citizens and then blame said attack on communists in order to justify an insurrection against the alleged red menace in question (a la the burning of the Reichstag building and subsequent scapegoating of Marinus van der Lubbe), cutting countless innocent lives short in the process.
Kennedy was not about to get behind any of that. That is why the CIA had him killed. Actually, that’s probably not exactly how it happened. I know the mob was definitely involved. Something to do with Cuba, and losing a lot of money after the revolution. They thought he was soft on communism. The CIA and the mob. The mob was really just concerned about their scratch, though. The CIA were the ones driven by that fierce anticommunist hysteria.
Alas, I am afraid I must take umbrage with one line in particular that my man Jack K dropped during his inaugural address - arguably his most well-known soundbite:
“Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country”
I don’t owe this country a damn thing. I didn’t ask to be born here. And I don’t think you should just be compelled to serve your country. I think you should serve all people out of compassion alone. The quote should be amended to:
“Ask not what your fellow man has done for you; ask what you have done for your fellow man”
Much better.
