Ah, the Brothers Grimm. We all know them. Even if you don’t think you know who they are, I can absolutely guarantee you that, unless you’ve been living under a rock that’s been living under several smaller rocks at the bottom of a giant pyramid of rocks that ends with a small ferret playing a fiddle at the peak, you’ve no doubt come across their work. Indeed, when it comes to the realm of the folk tale, only the prolific Hans Christian Andersen (he of “Thumbelina” and “The Little Mermaid” fame, among a number of others) comes even remotely close in terms of lasting cultural influence. However, in terms of sheer output, the Grimms even got ol’ H.C. beat, with over two-hundred in just one collection - Children’s and Household Tales - to Andersen’s grand total one-hundred and fifty-six. Now, in terms of volume, both still remained dwarfed by Alexander Afanasyev, who published close to six-hundred Russian folk tales throughout his life, essentially making him the Lil B of fairy tales.

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None of that matters, though, because the Brothers Grimm still put out some certified classics, and you’d be much more likely to recognize one of their stories than any of that Russian gobbledygook, making them perhaps the OutKast of fairy tales (I mean, even your grandmother will join you in belting out “I am for reeeeal” if you pour enough prosecco in her prune juice). This is the stuff we grew up on, man. I’m talking Cinderella. Snow White. Rapunzel. Little Red Riding Hood. Hansel and Gretel. The Godfather (not the one you’re thinking about, though - this one’s got more German than Italian). And, of course, my personal favorite: Lazy Henry.

Oh - you’re not familiar? Well, if you’ll indulge me for only a moment, I would like to briefly sum up what I believe to be is the finest fairy tale ever written by mortal men (or immortal men, for that matter). The story goes that there was once a very lazy man by the name of Henry, whose only task in life was to drive a goat to a pasture, and then back. Now, of course, being a profoundly lazy individual, what does our man Henry do? He goes right ahead and marries Fat Trina (which seems like a moniker that would be adopted by one of the featured artists on a Three 6 Mafia track) so that she can drive the goats to the pasture while he sits around and does nothing. Trina, being lazy herself, proposes instead that they trade in their goats for a beehive, which they then would not have to tend to. After gathering some honey from their bees, they debate whether they should get a little baby goose now. Trina suggests that they would need a child to look after the goose, but Henry counters that children do not listen any more than a servant would. Enraged, Trina moves to strike Henry with a stick, misses, and breaks the pitcher of honey instead. They both resign to the fact that at least now they do not have to look after a goose.

A truly thrilling tale.

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