The original, called THE ARGUMENT, from Ben Johnson (edited by G. E. Bentley) goes as follows...

T he sickness hot[1], a master quit, for fear,
H is house in town, and left one servant there.
E ease him corrupted, and gave means to know
A Cheater and his punk[2], who now brought low,
L eaving their narrow practice, were become
C oz'ners[3] at large; and only wanting some
H ouse to set up, with him they here contract,
E each for a share, and all begin to act.
M uch company they draw, and much abuse,
I in casting figures[4], telling fortunes, news,
S elling of flies[5], flat bawdry, with the stone[6];
T ill it, and they, and all in fume[7] are gone.

... and this is the planksip® interpretation of The Alchemist, updated to the Scientist...

T he sick is raging, doG is dead,
H is oikos, for the house and forme-like justice
E dification means regression,
S Town and a hormone hotline
C heats, thugs and liars; another victim
I set up, with indemnity,
E ach for a share, and thus begins the extraction.
N udge the cause they effect
T o the Corporations they flock, flounder and peddle function fictions
I n bias, opinions without structure
S elling chaos to the highest bidder
T ill death due us part, is ephemeral...


  1. hot raging ↩︎

  2. punk mistress, whore ↩︎

  3. Coz'ners swindlers ↩︎

  4. casting figures calculating horoscopes ↩︎

  5. flies familiar spirits ↩︎

  6. stone philosopher's stone ↩︎

  7. fume smoke ↩︎